its been 24 days since then and im honestly trying everyday, i am still focusing on myself accepting there is no her in my life anymore. its easy and simple when the cons are much more than the pros. i didnt lose anything but she lost everything. well i guess in a way bc shes a narcissist so thats that. i just dont like nights. i hate the nights.... its always so shit. i cant fall asleep prperly i havent been able to actually.. like i sleep and all but its just so tasteless. i dont really enjoy my sleep either ways i just want to sleep okay again i dont wanna just think abt her.
i miss her but i feel like i miss the version i saw not the version that was real. yk i deleted 3k photos of her from my laptop? i did that just yesterday and for some reason i stll have some of my fav pics of her on laptop but the thought of deleting them did occur. i have such a hard time letting go. such a hard time. i will delete them or hide them away. eventually. and i know i shouldnt dwell on this i shouldnt. i will be okay again ill find my peace. i didnt deserve what happened to me
isnt it crazy i still have crazy headache?? anyways i finally have my last final exam on sunday and all of this will finally be fucking over fuck. hm yesterday i designed my github and i made two projects on there that i likey.. i also still unsure on my portfolio like im trying make changes and such but idk yet anyways i cant wait to finish and destress.
im finally done with my finals, today mid exam one of the questions took so long to load i freaked out but i was able to log out and rejoing but the exam went fairly well im happy abt it. now its dead quiet i dont have anyone just myself no more "let me tell my gf how my exam went" no one to immediatly call once im home but its okay. ill be okay.
ill learn to sit with myself (i always have never needed to depend on anyone so it wont be hard its just i have to adjust bc i am so used to her presence and the past two months were loud chaotic busy)
mmm i am studying right now i think also while im okay. i still love to talk to myself about it and i still talk to myself abt all the disrespect i endured and the more i talk the more im like holy shit what a shitty person i was truly with...
and yesterday i ft cami i wish i can do it more often bc i had so much fun i love her she gets me i swear. i literally have no one but her.
happy new year. man i have the worst headaches rn. its all ive been having but i have been coding for 8 hours now and i think thats the reason, anyways i am getting off now but i def will come back and write my 2026 resloution. good nighttt
everything feels quieter lately. like the world turned the volume down.
new month. same thoughts. still here.
the weather changed. i noticed. i always do.
haven’t written in a while. maybe that says something.
came back here again.
somehow it still feels like mine.